If This Old Tree Could Talk

If this old tree could talk, I wonder what stories it might tell.

It stands in my front yard with a girth of about 12 feet round the base. Its branches reach a good 40 feet high and sprawls out and around probably 3o feet in diameter. It has weathered many storms in its life. It has shaded many a horse; a stone hitching post still stands sturdy in the earth underneath its branches.

This is the tree that has given shade to many of our family picnics. It has lent its limbs for climbing on and hanging swings. It has been the backdrop to portrait photos. And it is the tree my son paced under one sunny afternoon seeking a protective cover for the hard emotions he was suffering.

Have you ever tried to project your voice in the outdoors? A voice level that would be a definite loud yelling inside the house is somehow lost outside, a small cry in the open air under this old tree.

Have you ever stood next to a 40-foot tree? A person is so small in comparison; a man at a 6-foot height and nearly 180 lbs. may seem large standing man to man but stands small in the open space under this old tree.

Here is where my son let it all out. His weary heart desperately seeking answers. Standing small under the old tree. A small cry in the open air.

If this tree could talk, it would say it has heard these cries before, just as God has. These cries my son cried are universal to humankind.

If this old tree could talk, it’d likely say:

“Dear human, you are not alone, for many humans struggle with these same frustrations and want answers to questions that seem un-answerable.”

You cry, I just want to be normal!

“Dear human, there is no normal, it is a facade. Comparison is a lethal injection to a growing soul. Please don’t look at yourself as less than, against others. You are who you are; your normal is normal for you.”

You cry, Why did God make me this way?

“Dear human, God makes each human uniquely and for His purpose to do His work on this earth; whether you know Him or not, He has a purpose for your life. Your struggles are yours to battle yet most often has impact on growing others around you as well. I know it’s not easy, but you must stand tall in the storms just like me; Plant your feet like roots in the Truth. Humans rarely know why God creates them like they are, you don’t need to know why – you just need to trust in the One who made you and knows you better than you know yourself.“

You cry, I hate my life!

“Dear human, hate is such a strong emotion and it’s not helpful or productive. You must above all things resist the temptation to hate your life. Fight against this with all your might. Each human life, yours included, is precious. Hear this. Know this.”

Yes, my son said all these things underneath this old tree. For more on this story, consider ordering my book about my son’s journey with addiction and these hard emotions he suffered.

The Beast & The Battle

The Beast grips and rips – lies and deceives. Angry fists shake, words are spewed, and hearts break. This is the Battle with addiction and it consumed my son quite literally. Nose to Nose we stood in the Battle.

If you love someone who suffers from addiction – if you suffer yourself from unseen battles – if you grieve an overdose death of a loved one – or want to know just how addiction can affect a family … my shared story is for you.

I am smiling here in this photo not because this is a book to enjoy, but a book that will open your mind so that stigma is squashed; open your heart so that you may see yourself and others better; and leave you with hope – not despair.

Two years rolling around in my head, one year of writing, and now here it is for you to read.

Eeyore on the Soapbox

Eeyore is at least consistent.

Always blue, always tired, always with a harrumphing attitude, and yet, he is consistently steady. Plodding along, he still remains in friendship and in going about daily life as best he can. And the best part: he is always loved. The bear, the pig, and the owl alongside the sincerely empathizing boy seem ready to stand by him no matter what.

I am feeling it as the holiday season begins. Yes, I am feeling a bit Eeyore-ish.

Feeling a bit blue about my life situation dealing with residual side effects after surviving my second round of a cancer earlier this year; feeling a bit tired of missing my son who died suddenly just over three and a half years ago; and feeling a bit harumph-ish about writing: does it really matter if I write anyway?

And yet, I plod on, because, well, here I am: writing. Better late than never… August was a while ago.

I am an Eeyore on a Soapbox today.

I am here to tell you to plod on, keep in friendship, keep going forward in living, and remember: you are always loved.

Loss, illness, disappointments, fears, frustrations and hard stuff will always be part of this life. Not one of us gets to escape these things. The storms hit us all and we all get wet, wind-whipped, sand in the eye, and pinged by frozen ice sometimes. Like Eeyore, we all want a new tail because we think it will make things better.

But, a new tail won’t change a thing.

You want to know what changes things?

Good friends, found in both our biological family and in our community family. You know the ones; they are the ones that love you no matter what. Stay close to them, don’t push them away. Be with them even when you don’t really feel like it and let them be with you. This is my encouraging advice to you today. Guaranteed, it will make your daily living so much better.

Even more,

… even still, remember you are always loved.

Jesus loves you better, more deeply, and forever.

I am standing on the Soapbox now. I am hoping it matters that I write anyway.

Jesus came for the Eeyore’s like you and me, the downcast and disheartened people. And he tells us, cast your cares upon me because I care for you.

Jesus is the only one who can lift your chin up so it stays up. He alone gives you the sustaining strength to be transformed. A relationship with Jesus enables you to do more than plod along wishing for a new tail in life. Take courage my friends, Jesus loves you and cares for you just as you are, as an old Hymn says: “Jesus take me as I am, I can come no other way.” Transparent, it is just how Jesus wants us; bring your mess, your woes, and all that makes you weep. He is waiting and wanting to hug you close.

Eeyore’s,

unite with me and come to Jesus; this is my invitational gift to you this holiday season.

Though I still feel Eeyore-ish at times, I feel loved at all times and my chin stays up, even without a new tail.

Thoughts? Questions? Feel free to contact me.

Are You Sure Your Kid Isn’t Using Drugs?

If someone asked me that when my kids entered their teen years, I would flat out have said,

Of course my kids don’t do drugs. I raised them better than that.

I home educated all but one of my kids all the way from kindergarten through graduating High School, just one son attended four years at the local high school. We were a family immersed in church life and Christian summer camps and family camps filled many vacations. We were a close family and I knew my kids knew right from wrong and smart from stupid.

And, yes, I believe they did know all we taught them, even as more than one of them succumbed to using drugs and drinking.

Curiosity.

Peer pressure.

Life challenges leading to desire for escape…

All these things played a part into the experimenting and dabbling with things my kids knew they should not have even touched.

So, I ask again, are you sure your kid isn’t using drugs?

I ask, because today is NATIONAL OVERDOSE AWARENESS DAY.

I ask, because one of my dear young sons overdosed three and half years ago at the age of 19.

Before that, I never knew National Overdose Awareness Day even existed.

Please don’t think it can’t happen to your family. I thought the same and the devastation of my sons death blew me away and woke me to a reality that is continuing to devastate so many families in our culture right now.

It wasn’t a sudden thing; it was a slow thing. It began with curiosity mixed with peer pressure. I know for a fact that the drinking began within the church youth friendship group. I know for a fact, the drugs were introduced on the sports teams my kids played on at the public High School.

The problem was, that for many teens, it was just an experimentation and dabbling for the sake of fun; everyone tries something in their teens, right? The kids my kids tried things with, for the most part, had no long lasting issues remain. Even among my own kids, most of them had no lingering issues.

But the problem was, for my son Caleb, it affected him differently because he had a predisposition for addiction. And he was caught by the beast of addiction slowly but surely and by the time he was in over his head, we, his parents were just beginning to be aware of his using and even still we were in denial. We knew too little, too late, because we were so unaware of what to look for or that it could happen to our family.

Again, are you sure your kid isn’t using drugs?

If you have the slightest inkling, do not deny it.

If your kid has slacked off school, or chores, or hygiene, or cooperation, or conversation, or become moody…

If you have found plastic baggies, or burnt spoons, or empty straw-like insides of pens, or bottle caps, or odd shaped glass pipes, or unidentifiable pills, or small propane lighters…

pay attention!

Talk to your kid, talk to a professional, call your local DART program at the police station, or call your local Recovery Center for help and advice.

Be sure. Be wise. Be proactive.

Because if your kid is caught by the beast of addiction, he or she needs your help and needs it fast.

My heart forever aches.

I share with you today, this post, because I wish for no other momma to ache in their heart like I do.

NORMAL (Part II): Paint on the Paintbrush

Are we brave enough? Are we willing enough?

Leaning forward,

arm extending at an upward angle,

breath inhaling,

an artist sits before a blank canvas with paint on the paintbrush.

And, if this artist is anything like me, there is a slight hesitation before that first brush stroke, before the paint on the paintbrush meets the white of the canvas, changing it’s look entirely.

Am I brave enough to put that color down? Am I willing enough to take the risk?

Yes. These are the questions I am asking today while we come closer to the new-normal, post Covid-19.

An artist relies on past experiences; brilliant creations alongside failed creations. It’s all in the learning to know what works and what does not.

So, all metaphorical visuals aside, let me ask you this:

What are you learning while in-the-battle,

enduring the stress,

the changes,

the uncomfortableness,

and the losses that dictate the days,

right now, during this pandemic?

(PAUSE)

What is most missed by you?

What is most important to you?

What are you glad to be without?

(PAUSE)

Now.

Lower your arm and let the color fill the white of your canvas. Go ahead, take the risk and put the color down.

Are you brave enough? Are you willing enough?

My brush stroke creates the image of everyone I love, sitting close enough to hug, on a day dappled with sunshine beneath the large maple tree in my yard. My painting would have this image repeated and repeated and repeated, ad infinitum – capturing the essence of time filled with the closeness of the people I love.

Would your color stroke depict something similar?

I think, and I guess, maybe so – and I know why.

We all are created as relational beings. We were made to crave companionship, physical contact, and love.

The greatest Artist that ever existed is the One who created you in the womb; in the womb you were known – the first relationship initiated, it is written in the DNA of all humans. I am not talking about your mother, she came second in your relationships. I am talking about God. From the beginning, God knew we humans need the companionship of other humans in order to thrive in the best way; the horizontal line of relationship one to another.

This is why I am not surprised at what I imagine to be the most common thing missed during this time of pandemic-induced social distancing:

Family,

loved ones,

people/community,

and all the similes from there.

So,

am I… (?),

are you… (?),

brave enough to demand that your new-normal includes an increase of time spent with loved ones? Are we willing enough to allow it to be the forefront of our paintings and push to the background, the busy-ness and non-relational demands? Can we urge authorities to be more mindful of this most important and basic need of humanity as they decide what to dictate to us about “returning to normal?” I believe the old-normal forgot this along the way.

What if…

… family time was more important than homework,

more important than overtime,

than the economic recovery (what do we need to recover to anyway – who decides that mark)?

What if school days were shorter,

work days were shorter,

and naps and vacations more plentiful?

What if we listened more, cared more, invested more into the lives around us?

Would these changes actually make us better and healthier people, students, workers, communities, and thrust us into a more abundant economy simply because we are living a more loving, refreshed life?

The canvas is white!

The paintbrush is in my hand, your hand, individually and collectively….

… are we brave enough, willing enough to create a new-normal that is better than the normal we had before?

 

Stay tuned:

NORMAL (Part III): The Unchanging Changer