If This Old Tree Could Talk

If this old tree could talk, I wonder what stories it might tell.

It stands in my front yard with a girth of about 12 feet round the base. Its branches reach a good 40 feet high and sprawls out and around probably 3o feet in diameter. It has weathered many storms in its life. It has shaded many a horse; a stone hitching post still stands sturdy in the earth underneath its branches.

This is the tree that has given shade to many of our family picnics. It has lent its limbs for climbing on and hanging swings. It has been the backdrop to portrait photos. And it is the tree my son paced under one sunny afternoon seeking a protective cover for the hard emotions he was suffering.

Have you ever tried to project your voice in the outdoors? A voice level that would be a definite loud yelling inside the house is somehow lost outside, a small cry in the open air under this old tree.

Have you ever stood next to a 40-foot tree? A person is so small in comparison; a man at a 6-foot height and nearly 180 lbs. may seem large standing man to man but stands small in the open space under this old tree.

Here is where my son let it all out. His weary heart desperately seeking answers. Standing small under the old tree. A small cry in the open air.

If this tree could talk, it would say it has heard these cries before, just as God has. These cries my son cried are universal to humankind.

If this old tree could talk, it’d likely say:

“Dear human, you are not alone, for many humans struggle with these same frustrations and want answers to questions that seem un-answerable.”

You cry, I just want to be normal!

“Dear human, there is no normal, it is a facade. Comparison is a lethal injection to a growing soul. Please don’t look at yourself as less than, against others. You are who you are; your normal is normal for you.”

You cry, Why did God make me this way?

“Dear human, God makes each human uniquely and for His purpose to do His work on this earth; whether you know Him or not, He has a purpose for your life. Your struggles are yours to battle yet most often has impact on growing others around you as well. I know it’s not easy, but you must stand tall in the storms just like me; Plant your feet like roots in the Truth. Humans rarely know why God creates them like they are, you don’t need to know why – you just need to trust in the One who made you and knows you better than you know yourself.“

You cry, I hate my life!

“Dear human, hate is such a strong emotion and it’s not helpful or productive. You must above all things resist the temptation to hate your life. Fight against this with all your might. Each human life, yours included, is precious. Hear this. Know this.”

Yes, my son said all these things underneath this old tree. For more on this story, consider ordering my book about my son’s journey with addiction and these hard emotions he suffered.

The Beast & The Battle

The Beast grips and rips – lies and deceives. Angry fists shake, words are spewed, and hearts break. This is the Battle with addiction and it consumed my son quite literally. Nose to Nose we stood in the Battle.

If you love someone who suffers from addiction – if you suffer yourself from unseen battles – if you grieve an overdose death of a loved one – or want to know just how addiction can affect a family … my shared story is for you.

I am smiling here in this photo not because this is a book to enjoy, but a book that will open your mind so that stigma is squashed; open your heart so that you may see yourself and others better; and leave you with hope – not despair.

Two years rolling around in my head, one year of writing, and now here it is for you to read.

My Sons’ Death was a Springboard: Part Two

PART TWO:  As, I said…my sons’ death was a springboard into the deeper understanding of three important things:

1. The human condition,
2. The power of relationship,
3. The gift of a day

Today I share with you #2… Open my eyes, to see people as you see them….

Because of my son, Caleb, I am privy to see a lot of people in the realm of recovery, people affected by the pain of a loved one struggling with addiction, and those who mourn the loss of loved ones to overdose, and the more people I listen to and talk with, the more backstories I hear. When it all boils down … when I look past the backstories full of weeping pain and wounds and hurts… I see vulnerable children of God, whom He created in His image. I see people who need love and care and who have need to be wanted and feel like they have a reason to keep going… just like me… just like all of us; these are basic human needs.

This involves commitment to relationship. Relationships take time and effort and sacrifice, but we all need them and even more so because of our human condition. Relationship can be as simple as a good word spoken to encourage another, or as generous as an invitation to supper, or as deep as being there for someone when you are needed no matter the time of day or night. Croix, Evan, Mike, and others are family to us because we see them and they see us; each of us has needs that we mutually fulfill. I see these friends in recovery doing this for other friends too. Because of my sons’ past involvement in the recovery community, I feel drawn to be in relationship whenever I can, with whoever is put in my path, because in this way, I am the hands and feet of God. The power of relationship begins to heal brokenness; seeing the human condition, it seems clear to me, that I need to do something about it.

I choose to deepen my relationship with Jesus, the One with the nail holes in his hands… and I do what I do because of Him.

What will you do?

 

 

 

 

3 Things Needed for Best Success in Recovery

National Recovery Awareness Month; right here, right now.

What is there to be aware of?

Three things…

Be aware…

Three things are needed for best success in Recovery according to three of my friends who are in active Recovery and succeeding well.

One might think it’s money…

a place to live…

keeping busy with work…

or maybe a really good counselor.

BUT, it’s none of those things necessarily, though each of those things are good to have.

My sober friends Croix and Evan both say it’s LOVE & FELLOWSHIP and they both found this in local AA style groups; being with people who understand and accept you with all your struggles and flaws. Evan says, “…the relationships that I’ve acquired in this program have been amazing…”

There is strength in numbers, as the old saying goes; Coals stay hot when piled together…. a lone coal fizzles out. SO if you want to succeed in Recovery, the advice is: don’t go it alone. Come into the fold of those who know your struggles, of those who support you and accept you, and find the love that makes it all work.

Beyond that, My sober friends say WILLINGNESS is key in turning a life around and keeps you on the path of continuous sobriety.  It’s the willingness to be reminded and to be helpful to others who are in the early recovery stage. Another friend, Travis, tells me, “I need reminders… reminders that only newcomers can give… reminders I get of someone working the steps and just getting honest for the first time.”

Evan adds to that : “I am able to be sober and available to show others that there’s another way to live. When I was out there in active addiction I couldn’t do anything without looking for something in return. These days I live my life doing selfless acts of love to help people find the road to recovery.”

To be honest, I am humbled by my sober friends. The commitment I see and observe is amazing. I know that each of my friends would do anything to help someone struggling with addiction, find sobriety; I have witnessed them taking phone calls at inopportune times and making it a priority to be a listening ear and give words of encouragement; I know they have driven old cars into the ground to gather people from wherever locations to get to nightly meetings, or to include another recovering friend in a fun sober excursion.  These men walk the talk with passion!

Croix ties it all together, “What I needed and need most for recovery is love, community, and the willingness to continuously share those things that were given to me, with others.”

I am not in recovery,

… but I met these dedicated and passionate men during my son’s struggle to stay sober; unfortunately, my son did not fully latch on totally to the fellowship of the sober community and he made one mistake, one night, and died of an unintended, overdose after 5 months of sober living.

I choose to love on Croix, Evan, Travis, and others in recovery and support them in any way I can. I urge you to do the same if you know anyone who struggles with addiction, or struggles in early recovery; encourage them toward love, fellowship, and willingness.

It could save their life!

Loving, accepting, and helping others is exactly what God calls us to do in all areas of living – it is what He did for us. God, in the form of Jesus Christ, loved us so much, he sacrificed his own life, in order to bring us into the family – the community – of God, the Father.  And He commands each of us to love others, as we love ourselves, and help others toward the understanding of  the Lord’s love for all people.

Today, right here, right now, is the day to be passionate about people and Recovery!

Be aware and do what you can to support those in Recovery in respect & honor of National Recovery Month.

 

I have connections with all of these groups that support those struggling in addiction and seeking sober living; Please, consider making a donation to any, or all, of these life saving helps and ministries:

Hampshire Hope (DART program)

Honest Beginnings (SOAAR / The Nest Recovery Center)

Northampton Recovery Center

Teen Challenge 

 

 

 

 

When the Person in Recovery is the Frog in the Pot

One year ago today, my son, Caleb realized he was the frog in the pot.

Apparently, if you put a frog in a pot of cool water, and set it on the stove and slowly turn up the heat, the frog will not try to jump out, it does not realize he is in danger, until the water is nearly boiling, then it’s too late, the frog is boiled to death and can’t jump to freedom.

One year ago today, after a time of contemplation at his accident site, my son, Caleb, realized he was in trouble; he felt the heat of the flame under the pot increasing; He had relapsed after five months of clean time. What began as medicinal use of weed during his last month of recovery, under the guise of keeping him from using his previous drugs of choice, in reality, led him directly back to old friends and old ways — and he knew it.

He knew he was in trouble; he wanted to change.

• Earlier that day, Caleb met up with his brother and they made plans together to get back on track at the gym; previous to addiction, Caleb was an exceptional athlete.
• Later that day, He met up with his friend from the Sober house and admitted his relapse, shared his feelings, and wept at his predicament – the water was getting hot and he was scared!
• And yet, at 8:21 pm, he was frantically looking for his jar of weed.

A person in recovery, who is scared, is in a very precarious and potentially dangerous position. Emotions can be triggers for people in recovery – hard emotions can be the impetus for whole hearted change, or they can be the thing that drives them back to using cuz it hurts too much to make the change – fear, false confidence, and pain are a lethal mix; addictions’ claws grip deep and the power overwhelms. Helplessness and hopelessness are double whammy accomplices alongside addiction.

Deep inside, I knew my son had the heart desire to change his course and the ability to jump out of the pot… and I believe he thought he could too. Every person in recovery has a deep desire to be free of addiction and stay clean… no addict wants to be an addict.

Do you know someone in recovery who is relapsing and not listening, not acknowledging, or too afraid and is paralyzed in the moment and feeling the heat of the water increasing?

Stay close, if they will let you…

Do what you can to encourage them and take the time to meet them where they are at and do what you can to keep them out of the pot.

Are you in recovery?

Do whatever it takes to jump out of the pot – please!  Seek out a supportive family member or friend, go to a meeting… run, hike, bike, … take a long hot shower… eat spicy taco’s(!)… do anything to get out of the pot… just,

Don’t be the Frog in the Pot!