Covid19: A Real Danger for People in Recovery

Covid19 is a real danger to those in Recovery.

I believe this and I am concerned. It’s not exactly what you may think. It’s not that I think that this group of people are at any more risk than me for catching this virus and reaping its havoc to our health. We are all on equal par for that and I hope we are all doing what we can to stay healthy.

The danger I am concerned about is this:

the level of fear and anxiety this pandemic incites

can create an emotional side-kick that has no mercy and would revel to boot someone right off the wagon.

Though circumstances were different, the emotional overload was similar. My son, in early recovery, fell to relapse after the emotions of dealing with a friends overdose death; it overwhelmed him with hard feelings. Emotions are hard and many use substances to numb feelings; this is a known fact. And this is my concern for those of you who are in recovery. This is my check-in with you all.

Don’t know me, that’s okay… consider me an messenger, sent by the Highest Power who reigns above all others.

I am not a person in recovery, so I cannot speak into your life as another one in recovery can. But, I am a momma who lost her son to an overdose, after relapsing. From here, I want to speak into your life.

I beg you to do two things.

ONE: Stay in community and keep your focus despite your fears and feelings. Keep your eyes on the prize; the prize is your life. Fears and negative feelings lose their power if you talk them out. Don’t stuff them. Don’t ignore them. Don’t give them power over you, causing you to give-in to your drug of choice – remember ALL substances lie. Walk away. Call your mentor. Call you mom or dad or someone you know who loves you. You cannot do this alone – you need to stay in community any way you can.

TWO: Seek the Highest of Powers, truly and for real. It’s not a what…. It’s a who. This who, the Highest of Powers is the living God: the One who created you and me, the One who makes the sun rise and moon shine everyday, the One who loves you and sacrificed Himself for you – His life for yours; this was His choice and His gift to you – no lie here. So take the gift – its free!

I urge you to make this choice to seek Him out. He will give you all the comfort and assurance you need to stay on the path of recovery, especially during these uncertain, stressful times we live in.  Walk into a virtual church service (most are closed right now). Get a Bible and read it like you read the AA/NA manual. Call a Pastor – call my Pastor.  And Pray – it’s just talking to God Himself, and most of all, know that He loves you.

My heart speaks truth and hope for you… therefore, I speak to you boldly.

I have dear friends in recovery. I desire each of them to stay and seek. Will you do the same?

 

 

When a Recovering Addict Mourns

It is morning, but it is dark.
Dark in the sense that everything is just not how it is supposed to be.
Dark, so dark, that I strain to see sense, but there is no sense to see.
This dark weighs like a thousand pound cloud that thunders, waiting to release the torrential rain.
How did it come to this?

Dutifully going through the motions, I slip on my suit coat.
Black. Black as dark as black can be. I feel wound & bound as I enter this day.
Just five months ago he came to the house. I recognized his hesitancy and his lack of admission right away because I had been there myself.
Not that I know it all or have the answers and can say I am free, because, in reality, we are never really free – never free enough to not be concerned.

We all walk a tenuous, tightrope of recovery.

The light begins as a pinhole stream, as hope is recognized and love is allowed in. Gaining steadiness in my walk I can say the brightness of the light grows with each day that I keep my back turned away from the lures that promise things that are not true.

Emotions are hard.
They trigger desires and thoughts to run and hide in the dark spaces and places.

Standing tall I breathe big and my hand slips into my suit coat pocket and feels a single, soft tissue. This suit was borrowed by him who came to the house five months ago. He wore it to his friends funeral. Yes… this was his tissue with his tears dried on it from just a few weeks ago. And now, here I stand, wearing the same suit, needing a tissue of my own. I pull it out and let the soft crumbled mass sit cradled in my hand like a treasure; the treasure of a friendship now lost.

Death is so very dark.
Why couldn’t I have helped him better to see the light more clearly?
Emotions; damn emotions!
Begging, they seductively whisper to me…
the darkness that thunders with the weight of rain, beckons.
That tenuous, tightrope is before me. Can I still walk it?

I am paralyzed in the moment.

Without any more hesitation, I carefully place the crumpled tissue back into my pocket. And my heart weeps a message: Dear friend, I will miss you. I am sorry I couldn’t change your mind.

And so, I step out and balance my footing…
Sober. Yes, sober, I decide on it.
And I leave the dark rumble behind me.

***

My son was just barely five months clean in recovery when one of his good friends died of an overdose via a medicine laced with fentanyl. He was crushed. He wept and stuffed that crumpled tissue into his suit coat pocket.

Just about six weeks later, it was my son who died of an overdose involving fentanyl.

I cannot help but think about the impact that drug related deaths have on those who are in recovery; I imagine it frays the end of the tightrope.

Emotions are hard. Death by drugs is a slap of reality across the face that forces a hard look at mortality and threatens the recovering addicts ability to keep walking that tenuous tight rope.

As my son’s friends in recovery came to his memorial service, they wept and were crushed too.  My heart feared for each one of them.

For real, just weeks later, I watched these same friends weep over another friend who died of an overdose; It was horribly overwhelming. What bold resolve it takes to keep on going forward in recovery when friends are dying all around them.

How can we help?  We can help by being purposeful in our love and support for those  who struggle every day to keep sober and clean. Acknowledge their strength and resiliency to keep going when fear rises up and they doubt their next day will be successful. Keep reaching out and hoping and be there when they need you.

Most of all, pray.